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10 June 2008 @ 10:46 pm
A birthday, a decision, and goodbye.  
I noticed that I seem to update my journal on my birthday, and usually not before then. If I hadn't made that entry on Nov. 6th about the shipping wars, then this would've marked a full year since my last entry XD

well, anyway, yesterday I was sitting in the living room with my mom and dad, when I asked my dad if he knows what the date is. My dad's like, "let me think" and then he says, "oh yeah, it's June 9th."

So I'm like, "right, and?"

My dad draws a complete blank. "And what?"

"What's tomorrow?"

"June 10th."


"And the day after is June 11th. Anything special?"

I couldn't figure out if he was joking, or if he was being serious. Most likely the latter, since my dad's not the type to joke like that. Then my mom's like, "Tomorrow's her birthday. That's what she's trying to hint to you."

So, of course, in usual parental-harrasment style, my dad starts clapping his hands and singing "Happy Birthday to you" while my mom joins in. And I'm like, "Stop it! Stop it!"

So my mom's like, "Why? Isn't this what you wanted?"


Well, at least it wasn't like last year, with the cake and everything.

Anyway, so then I asked my mom what she got me for my birthday, and she said she bought me a cake. A cheesecake, actually.

So I told her, "no, you didn't buy the cheesecake for me, you bought the cheesecake cause our entire family likes cheesecake."

Which, was true. And don't worry, half of it was already gone.

So my mom asked me what I wanted her to buy me, since she's going away tomorrow to Israel and all. And, of course, she starts throwing out ideas.

"Jewelery, rocks, a husband..."

To which I proceeded to bang my fists against my brain cause my mom never misses an opportunity to hint that she wants me to get married and give her grankids. Which then got her started on the topic of marriage altogether.

So while she launched into the whole, "Make mom and dad happy and give them grandkids" shpiel, I mentally wondered if this happens to every person when they reach a certain age and they're still living at home, or if it's just me.

So I gave her my infamous answers.

"You know mom, even if I were to get married tonight, you'd still have to wait another nine months before I'd have a kid."

Which ticked my mom off, cause it always does. I'm just happy she didn't think to remind me that I said that nine months ago XD

Anyway, so today I officially turned...well, I'm not telling you how old I turned. Suffice it to say that I don't think it really matters how old I get, cause people still seem to think I'm fourteen.

I was staying in a hotel in April for a week, and I befriended a family there that had three adorable children. Of course, being that I'm a total sap when it comes to kids, I started playing with them, and tickeling them, etc. and the parents saw that her kids weren't scared of me or anything, asked me if I'd mind babystitting one night while I was here. So I told her it wasn't a problem.

So I babysat. It was a bit of a hard time getting the kids into bed and all, but at the end of the hour, they were all sleeping soundly. The parents were glad, I got paid, and we all went home happy. A few days later, I was in the dining room getting a drink from the bar (no, not alchohol, I hate that stuff) and I struck up conversation with the mom. She asked me out of curiosity how old I was cause I was there on my own, and when I told her she just STARED at me.

Then she told her husband and his eyes POPPED. And they're both like, "Whaat?! We thought you were like fourteen, in eighth grade or something!"

and of course, "it's a compliment."

I suppose I'll appreciate it when I'm fifty and people will tell me I look like I'm sixteen, but until then, I'm not appreciating it in the least bit.

Anyway, I managed to pass the day without getting humiliated by my parents even once, which is quite a feat, considering what they did the last couple of years. Actually, no one remembered it at all, not even my really close friend, even though I even mentioned today was June 10th, and it didn't ring a bell. She's bad at remembering dates anyway, so I forgive her, though my little sister should've had the courtesy to email me, and I know she's reading this journal, so I'm waiting to hear her excuse.

I got a bunch of random emails from different sites I don't even remember signing up for wishing me a happy birthday. That was kind of nice.

Anyway, the point of a birthday isn't the amount of presents or emails you get, I don't like birthdays as much as I used to. Looking back at the year, I don't think I changed all that much. Well, I've changed, quite a lot, but it's not necessarily in the best way. I kind of feel like I wasted a lot of time doing nothing, and that an entire year of my life passed without it leaving an impact on me.

Which brings me to my decision. I'm leaving deviantART. In fact, I'm leaving all online communities/websites that I often post at.

No, this isn't some rash grab for attention or anything like that. I've been grappeling with this decision for the last two years.

I've been really torn between wanting to move on with my life, and wanting to stay in my comfort zone. I love being on this website, and all other places like DH, LJ, fanfiction.net, but I spend so much time on them that I almost feel like a slave to the computer.

It's not a matter of spending less time on the internet or things like that, I can do that anyday. It's...I can't explain it. It's like I'm reading things that I don't neccessarily want to read, and hearing things that I don't want to hear, or seeing things that I wouldn't want to see.

It's hard to explain, so if you think I'm crazy, well, maybe I am. But try to accept my decision for what it is, because this isn't something that I'm rushing into on spur of the moment. I've given it a lot of thought, and after weighing my options, I decided that, for now, this is the best thing for me to do.

I won't delete any of my deviations or accounts on other sites or things like that. They'll stay up, but as far as being active, my accounts will remain empty.

Please don't ask me to stay or re-think my decision. Not that I'm expecting people to miss me, but, well, don't make it harder than it already is.

I'll still be on places like LJ till the end of the month because I have to wrap up some things, such as a new layout I promised to one comm, and I'm going to be finishing up the stories that I have in-progress on fanfiction.net...because I know the frustration of not having a story updated when you want to know what happens next.

Lastly, to the people of the Avatar fandom, I hope you guys know that I truly enjoyed my time while I was there. Despite the shipping wars which can drive a person up the wall, and make you want to smash your head repeatedly against a brick wall, you guys are all awesome.

maylene_autumn: Depressedmaylene_autumn on June 11th, 2008 04:03 am (UTC)
I don't know what to say. I'm shocked for sure, and I'm utterly depressed at this news. I understand that feeling you're talking about not wanting the internet to take over your life...but to lose you completely? That's not something I actually saw. I know you said you won't be missed, but you will! Don't you know YOU'RE the reason I even decided to join DH? Don't you know that YOU'RE one of the reasons I decided to finally get an LJ? You leaving means I lose a friend, and a partner for all the debates held in DH. I was always able to count on you, and very glad that you could explain things better than me; not to mention understand what I actually said, when I couldn't say it right.

So this is a big blow, and I am mad and sad, but I wish you good luck; and happy birthday.

The bloodied flower icon = me depressed
kaibasgirl on June 13th, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. I know this must feel like betrayal, but I really hope you won't see it that way.

I guess I just need a break from everything, I don't know, it's really hard to explain.

I hope we can still be friends, even if I'm not around as much...
violent delights and violent ends: Moment Like Thisdaydream11 on June 11th, 2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
Maylene means well, I promise. At least this means you're loved! Send her your email address so she won't blow a gasket. ;D

More power to you, hun! I've been wanting to delete my DH account for a year now, and I probably should just go over and get it over with, but I like having that connection (even if I hardly use it). Well, Kai, I will miss you darling, and email me any time you want.