I've recently volunteered to work with a family that desperately needs the help. I've been working with them for a week now, and have decided to start keeping a log on them and see if anything will come out of it. I'm making these entries public in case some social worker or psychiatrist stumbles upon them and might be able to offer some helpful advice. In general though, these notes are for myself, so if they're long, well, don't complain. You've been warned.
So, to start off, the family is six altogether. Two parents, three girls, and one boy. For privacy purposes, I'm going to use a pseudonym for each of them.
Their ages range between 6-2. The oldest is a girl, who we will call
Gloria.
Gloria, is six turning seven soon. Unsure of her exact birthday. She's in the first grade, going into second, and is the oldest of four. She seems to be a very caring older sister, as on more then one occasion, she offered to push her youngest sister on the swing, or give her brother a ride in the carriage and or wagon. She also seemed to be reluctant to leave the room when I ask her to, when I am giving one of her siblings a time out. Though I've only observed this on one occasion and that was with her brother.
She has a younger sister,
Violet, who is only one year her junior. Her relationship with her does not seem to be particularly close, and though they share a room, they hardly play with each other.
Gloria seems to be much more interested in riding her bike, and playing with the neighbors across the street, then showing any connection with her sister, though this can be considered normal at her age. Violet seems to tag along after her older sister, like when they play in their neighbor's backyard, but again, it is all parallel play, because they each have their set of friends, and the only time I've seen them really interact was when they refused to come inside, and they alerted each other to my presence.
As far as personality goes, Gloria is basically 6 going on 16. She has an attitude and when she's angry it's as though she's PMSing. Her behavior on my first day was absolutely horrendous, and she would not stop screaming. This could be a result of not having eaten supper yet when I arrived, which was about 4 in the afternoon. She mainly wanted to be left alone and do whatever she wanted, as in, taking supper herself and eating. She did not listen to a word anyone said to her, and was constantly screaming, something which her mother simply could not stand.
She said things like, "Shut up!" and "I hate you!" to her mother, and even when I tried to talk to her, she was very adverse. When it came time to take a bath, she went in last, and had a hissy-fit when we wanted to wash her hair. She was constantly yelling, and had the audacity to hit her mother, and me, when we tried to help her.
In the end, after everyone was showered and in their pajamas, I took her to a side room and told her she was not allowed to leave until she was calmed down and ready to apologize for screaming and upsetting everyone else. Her reaction was predictable, she screamed, and yelled, and raged, and it was doubtful the neighbors didn't hear. From the sound of her cries, you'd think we were whipping her, and they were extremely high-pitched.
She threatened to jump through the windows (the room was on the ground level, so it wasn't as though she'd injure herself if she jumped out), to which I stopped her from opening them, and stayed in the room with her, to make sure she wouldn't make do on her threat.
She thrashed about, successfully hitting and kicking me once after numerous attempts to do so.
Her mother, who approved what I was doing, said that I should let her out, because it doesn't look like it's working. In the end, I did let her leave without extracting an apology, simply because time was short, and I had to get going.
When she left the room, she ran to the kitchen and tried calling her father's cell phone. She did this numerous times, until she finally gave up. Before I left, I went over to her and told her firmly that tomorrow, when I come, I expect an apology from her for the way she was behaving, and for hitting and kicking me, to which she said that she wasn't going to let me come into the house.
The next day, I arrived later then expected, and I found her in her room, with her sister Violet, and a friend. I told the girls to go downstairs for supper, but I took Gloria aside and asked her if there wasn't something she wanted to tell me.
Like any child who's embarrassed, she hemmed and hawed, saying things like she forgot what it was, and in general stalling. In the end though, she apologized, and I made her say what it was she was apologizing for etc.
It is prudent to note that after she apologized, I told her that I wasn't her enemy, and that I wasn't trying to hurt her, I only want her to learn. After that she was more or less well behaved.
The rest of the week she wasn't much trouble, and I didn't have to give her a time out again. However, Friday, she was acting up again, and Sunday she refused to listen when I told her to come inside.
I told her she was going to get punished for not listening. I was planning on not letting her go outside for an hour because she didn't listen, but I arrived late again today, and she was already playing in the backyard.
She seemed to be wary of me though, because she was behaving especially well. I took her aside before they went for a bath, and told her what her punishment was supposed to be, and told her that because I came late today, she wasn't punished, but will be getting something else. I told her she was going to have to write on a paper fifty times "I will listen the first time I'm told".
It is an old-fashioned method of punishment, but at the moment I couldn't come up with anything else, and I didn't want her to think she was off the hook. It is interesting to note that she didn't seem at all upset by this kind of punishment, and seemed to think it was fun. I wasn't sure what to make of this, because that's not how intended it to be. In the end, due to time constraints, she didn't receive her punishment. I'm not sure if at this point I should do it tomorrow, because I feel it isn't applicable anymore, and the lesson she's supposed to be learning will not have as strong an effect.
The next in line is a four year old girl who we will call
Violet.
Violet, is four years old, soon turning five. I'm uncertain of her birthday. She has a very charming smile and a cute personality. Out of all the kids, she is by far my favorite.
From my observations, she seems to be more of a loner, unlike her older sister, who seems to be something of a social butterfly. She will wander around the grounds, ride her bike, play on the jungle gym, but mostly she is playing by herself.
She is friends with the neighbors kids, but I have yet to see her actually playing a game or riding her bike with them. There seems to be girls her age there, but mostly when she's with other girls, it's with her sister and her friends.
She goes to day camp in the morning, so I can only assume that her friends are there, and that she joins in their activities, however, none of this has been confirmed since I haven't actually seen her playing with them.
Personality wise, she's more introverted. She likes to keep to herself, play by herself, and generally just observe the things around her.
Her relationship with her siblings is as such. As stated with Gloria, it is nothing particularly special or close. She seems to have a good bond with her younger brother though, who seems to reciprocate her feelings, and is always asking and or making sure she's there. Her youngest sister, I'm still uncertain what her relationship is with her, as I haven't seen them interacting that much.
She seems to care about her, which would make sense, as she's the youngest and the baby of the family, but I have yet to see her go out of her way to make her happy, or make her smile.
In general she seems to be somewhat aloof, compared to the others. She will come over to me when she's bored or wants attention, and will sit on my lap and play with my necklace, while prattling on about inane things. She doesn't cause a lot of ruckus, unlike her sisters and brother, and is much more docile and easily led.
For instance, when she comes out of the bath, and has to get into her pajamas, if she is reluctant, I need only mention that if she does it she'll get a sticker on her chart (I made star charts with them), then she'll do it willingly. However, when she's in a temper, she can be very difficult, and will often runaway from you. I was told by her mother that she bites when she's angry, but I haven't actually seen this happening yet.
On my first day there, I had to punish her because she hit me, but unlike her sister, I didn't have to keep her in a room for much too long till she calmed down. Everyone was going outside, and I told her that she can't because she's being punished. When she started to cry after a few minutes, I asked her if she learned her lesson, and she said yes, and she apologized. Since then, there hasn't been any disciplinary action needed. On Sunday, she did refuse to come inside, but when I said I was counting to three, she came. This also worked today, when they were playing by the swing sets, and she didn't want to come.
She seems to have a great love for stickers, which is normal for a child her age, as many girls are into collecting things like those. Stickers, stationary, etc. it is a good incentive if I really need to get her to listen. I've only been with her for a week, so I'm sure there are parts of her personality I have yet to familiarize myself with, so it is a good thing to note if I ever want to reward her.
Another thing to note is that on the first day, I took them for a walk, and she had a sheet of stickers with her. She kept putting stickers on her brother, and on herself, and on her younger sister, heck, she even put one on me, but she's also possessive of them, because on Thursday, she was holding a sheet of stickers, and her brother took them from her, and she began to cry and try to get them back. This may be something pointless, but I feel like noting it for myself.
A point of interest, out of all the children, I believe she handles change the best, and acclimates to a new place and/or new people quickly. I'm taking this from the fact that she's the only one who wasn't being overly difficult on my first day there, and she's the only one who actually comes to me, instead of me coming to her. Again though, this could all just be speculation, but I have yet to be disproved.
The next child is a boy who is three years old, and we will refer to as
Mark.
Mark is a rambunctious three year old boy, with gorgeous green eyes that sparkle with mischief. He is by far the hardest kid I've ever dealt with, and I'm still trying to find a way through to him.
There are some patterns in his behavior that I've noticed, and he seems to be a typical case of reverse psychology, but other then that, I'm still trying to figure out what makes him tick.
On my first day there, he had just woken up from a nap, and it was his first day of day camp. Change is hard for everyone, even on a minute level, and seeing new faces the entire day can be difficult, especially for someone as young as he is, but I feel I am justified in saying that his behavior was second only to his PMSing older sister, and he actually topped her as the week progressed.
He did not stop crying the entire day. He only wanted his mother, and clung to her for dear life. My first impression was that something was wrong with him mentally. I thought he had some sort of syndrome or something, but I kept my comments to myself, which was disproved the next day.
His mother said that he never behaves like this, usually. He's never been so clingy before, and she owed it up to the fact that they just started day camp, and he just woke up from a nap, and change and all that, which, as was shown later, was true.
I did not interact with him much on the first day, but the rest of the week was nothing short of heck with him.
He was belligerent, aggressive, and he didn't hesitate to hit when he was angry. The few times I got him to listen was only because I promised him stickers on his chart, and even those didn't work.
I tried disciplining him twice, but each proved a complete failure. As with Gloria, I gave him a time out, but while their initial reaction was the same, the result was vastly different.
With Gloria, as stated before, the moment she was let out she ran. With Mark, when he saw I wasn't letting him out, he laid down on the floor and screamed and cried, but not with real tears. I can only assume that this is his form of a temper tantrum, but I'm not certain.
When I tried to tell him he can leave the room, he refused to do so, and merely kicked his feet and continued whining.
I explained to him that he needed to calm down, and he was being punished because he was misbehaving, but go figure, he stopped crying long enough to hear me out, but if he actually registered/understood what I said, is something to be reckoned.
The second time I tried disciplining him, was after he took a shower, and after a very difficult time, we actually managed to get a diaper on him, he pulled it off and went streaking outside.
This time I put him in a crib so he won't be able to climb out, and told him that when he's ready to wear clothing he can come out.
Now, that may not have been the smartest thing to do, but I wasn't sure how else to handle the situation, and letting him walk around naked isn't the best way to teach a child about morals and manners.
However, I got the same reaction as the last time. He tried to leave, but when he realized he couldn't, continued to cry, and when I was ready to take him out, thinking he'd been punished enough, he refused to leave.
Worse yet, he urinated in the crib. I believe he does this every time he gets upset, because when I have him in the bath, and I'm shampooing his hair and he doesn't want it, when I'm finished he stands up and lets out a fountain. Today he urinated three times in the bath. I had to change the water twice, until I finally gave up and drained the bath, so when I scrubbed them, they were in an empty tub, which actually worked out better, because it was easier to wash them like that.
Something to note, the past few days Mark has been taking to jumping up and down in the bath, splashing water all over the place. Today, he was angry at me for wetting his hair, cause the water got into his eyes, and so he took a cup and splashed water on me. When I took away the cup, he used his hands and feet to kick water at me.
Today he actually got into his pajamas straight away, which both his mother and I felt was a miracle, consider how impossible it usually is to get him to put his clothes on.
I'm not sure what it was that prompted him to actually listen. It could be cause we promised him a sticker on his star chart, or maybe he was simply in a good mood. I'm going to list what happened from the time he got into the bath until he put on his pj's, for my own reference, and see if there isn't something that clicked it, or if it was just one of those things that happen.
-He got into the bath, and proceeded to empty the contents of his bottle into the water for his own amusement, and after a few moments, urinated in it.
-We changed the water and started to refill the bath. In the meantime, we wet his hair, and began to wash it with shampoo. He was very angry about this, because the water got into his eyes, and he didn't want to wash his hair.
-As a result, he urinated in the water again. We had to drain the water, and while the tub was refilling, we washed his hair again, because the water we used to take wash out the shampoo was water he had already urinated in.
-He was upset about this, but we told him that we're putting the shampoo in his hair, and he should wash it himself, which made him happy, so he did. His sister's, Violet, and the baby, Cecilia, also washed their own hair, and they all enjoyed sharing bubbles.
-We washed their hair out with the new water, and began to do soap. He urinated again, and I think it was because his sister got him angry. We drained the water for the third time that day, but did not refill the tub. Instead, we scrubbed them, while the water was draining.
-The kids seemed to enjoy it like that for some reason, except for the baby, who was cranky, and as a result began to cry because she wanted to leave. We scrubbed them squeaky clean, and turned on the water to wash the soap off.
-Cecilia was the first one to get out of the tub, because she was crying so hard. Her mother scooped her up in a towel, and took her straight to the bedroom, where she began to immediately dress her.
-In the meantime, I washed off Mark, and as soon as he was ready, he stepped out of the bath, and his mother scooped him up to take him straight to the bedroom.
-I finished washing off Violet, and when she was done, I got a towel for her and took her straight to the bedroom as well, where Mark was finishing up getting dressed.
I can only assume that all the other times he came out of the bath, he was usually first, and we were in such a rush to get the other kids, that we'd put him on the bed wrapped up in a towel and run to go get the other kids.
My theory is that because no one was involved with him for those couple of minutes, it gave him enough time to decide that he doesn't really want to put on a diaper and get into pajamas, and consequently he gave us a difficult time.
I think I'm going to try this tomorrow. If we don't give him enough time to think, and just rush, rush, rush, to put on pj's and all that, promising him a sticker on his chart, then he'll be more compliant.
The last child in the family is a two year old girl by the name of
CeciliaCecilia is sweet and darling, and the baby of the family. She is not exactly doted on, but it is obvious that she is loved.
She is mostly obedient, probably cause of her young age, and usually listens and follows instructions. However, she does have moments where she refuses to listen, but nothing that I've had to discipline her for.
As far as I can tell, she has shown no real signs of aggressive behavior, unlike her siblings, and if someone takes a toy that she wants, she will mostly whine and cry, but she won't take any action except asking for it back.
I haven't seen her throw a real temper tantrum yet. I will not rule out the fact that she doesn't have them, because I am sure that eventually I will see one, but mostly, she will be happy to listen if you give her an incentive to.
She is mostly a happy child, who likes to follow the crowd, and will usually trail after her sisters. She doesn't show a real preference for either sibling, it is usually the one who is doing what she is more interested in doing that she'll go after.
As to her relationship with her brother, I have seen nothing yet that shows a real bond, but she does seem to like to go for walks with him when we take him in the carriage.
I don't have much to say about Cecilia yet, mainly cause I haven't gotten to know her as well as the others, due to her young age and independent nature.
These are my observations for the first week of working with this family. [07. 07. 02.]
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Dude, if you just read through all of that, you must be seriously bored.~Téa
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